Every team has moments of friction. Maybe it's a conversation that gets derailed, feedback that lands poorly, or tension that lingers after a particularly tough meeting. When these patterns show up, it's tempting to assume the issue is a specific person. At this year's Business Execution Summit (BEx), leadership advisor and emotional intelligence expert Carolyn Stern offered a different lens: the problem isn't usually the person, it's the behavior. And how a leader responds to that behavior matters more than most people think.
"Emotional reactions have reputational consequences," Stern told the room. "How we show up emotionally matters."
Her message was clear: leaders who want to handle difficult people effectively need to start by understanding themselves.
One of the most striking moments in Stern's keynote was a simple statistic: 80% of employees are currently avoiding at least one difficult conversation at work. On top of that, roughly one in three people dread having a one-on-one conversation with their leader.
That's a significant trust gap, and it has real consequences for team performance. When people avoid honest conversations, small issues become entrenched patterns. Frustration builds, accountability erodes, and the leader, often without realizing it, becomes part of the problem by allowing avoidance to set the tone.
Leaders who handle difficult people well tend to have one thing in common: they've built a culture where direct communication is normal, expected, and safe.
One of the most practical shifts Stern encouraged leaders to make is to move away from labeling people and instead name the specific behavior that's causing friction.
It's easy to think of someone as "difficult" or "negative," but those labels tend to shut down curiosity and limit options. When a leader can identify the actual behavior (i.e. someone consistently interrupts in meetings, avoids follow-through, or reacts defensively to feedback), they now have something specific to address.
Imagine a team member who consistently misses deadlines without flagging it ahead of time. A leader who sees this as a personality problem might label them as careless or disengaged, either writing them off or letting resentment fester. A leader focused on behavior would approach it differently, saying something like, "I've noticed the last two deliverables came in late without a heads-up. Can we talk about what's getting in the way?" The behavior is named, the impact is clear, and the conversation stays productive.
This shift also changes how a leader approaches the conversation. Instead of making it about who someone is, it becomes about what they're doing and the impact it's having on the team. That distinction makes all the difference when it comes to keeping the conversation productive and preserving the relationship.
Stern spent time during her keynote on a concept that often gets overlooked in leadership development: emotional triggers. Every leader has them, and when they go unrecognized, they can drive reactions that escalate tension rather than resolve it.
"If you don't know your triggers," Stern said, "start thinking about what you value."
This is a useful starting point. Frustration, for example, often stems from unmet expectations. Anger tends to surface when we perceive something as unfair or unjust. These are different emotional responses with different root causes, and they call for different approaches.
A leader who understands their own triggers is far better equipped to regulate their response in the moment. They can pause before reacting and separate the behavior from the emotional charge it creates. They can also choose a response that moves the situation forward rather than making it worse.
This is what emotional intelligence really means, not suppressing emotion, but choosing how to respond to it.
One of the hardest things for leaders to accept is that they often play a role in the very dynamics they find frustrating. Maybe they've been avoiding a conversation for months. Maybe they've been inconsistent with expectations, or perhaps their own emotional reactions were an unspoken message to the team that honesty isn't welcome.
Stern's advice was direct: if you make a mistake, own it.
That kind of accountability sets the tone for the entire team. When a leader models ownership, it gives others permission to do the same. And when difficult behavior goes unaddressed for too long, the leader's silence becomes its own signal.
Taking ownership doesn't mean taking the blame for someone else's behavior. It means being honest about what you've contributed to the situation and being willing to do your part to change it.
Bringing together the key ideas from Stern's keynote, leaders can follow a straightforward framework when navigating difficult workplace relationships:
Difficult conversations will always require courage, but they don't have to be something leaders avoid. When emotional intelligence becomes part of how an organization operates, leaders know their triggers, address behavior directly, and own their role in team dynamics. Over time, the conversations that once felt scary start to feel like part of the job.
Stern left BEx attendees with a clear challenge: don't just manage difficult people, build a culture where your team can navigate friction together.
Labeling someone’s personality (e.g., calling them "careless" or "difficult") creates defensiveness and limits your options to resolve the issue. Addressing behavior means naming a specific, observable action—such as "interrupting in meetings" or "missing deadlines without notice." Behavior is observable and changeable; personality labels feel personal and usually shut the conversation down.
The easiest way to identify a trigger is to look at your core values. For example, frustration usually stems from an unmet expectation, while anger often surfaces when something feels unfair or unjust. When you feel a strong emotional reaction, ask yourself: What value or expectation of mine is currently being challenged? Knowing this allows you to pause and respond productively.
Avoidance usually happens because leaders fear escalating tension or damaging the relationship, and because they underestimate the cost of saying nothing. Currently, 80% of employees are avoiding difficult conversations at work. However, avoiding the issue actually creates a "trust gap" where small issues turn into entrenched patterns, accountability erodes, and the leader's silence signals that the behavior is acceptable.
Don't wait for the "perfect" moment. Start the conversation by directly naming the specific behavior you have observed and the impact it is having on the team. Keep the tone curious rather than accusatory, using phrases like, "I've noticed [Specific Behavior]. Can we talk about what's getting in the way?"
Stay focused on the behavior and its impact, not their reaction. Acknowledge their perspective without agreeing (“I hear that this feels frustrating”), then bring the conversation back to shared goals and expectations. Defensiveness usually drops when people feel heard and not judged.
This is a skill most leaders need to practice deliberately, which is why many organizations invest in structured leadership development experiences.
These ideas weren't just theoretical, they were part of a broader set of conversations at this year's Business Execution Summit, where leaders spent time working through the real challenges behind difficult conversations and team dynamics.
For leaders looking to build this level of capability, Results offers two experiences designed to continue that work:
BEx (Business Execution Summit) is an executive retreat experience created specifically for executive leaders who own the outcome: CEOs, Presidents, GMs, senior VPs, and Business Owners. It provides uninterrupted time to think strategically, reset perspective, and connect with other executives in a high-trust environment.
The next Business Execution Summit (BEx 2027) will take place March 7–9, 2027 at the Pomeroy Kananaskis Mountain Lodge. Leaders leave BEx with renewed focus, deeper relationships, and the clarity needed to guide their organizations forward. Learn more about BEx here.
Connex is the team execution experience designed for executive leadership teams. It brings leaders together to learn practical strategies, strengthen collaboration, and build the alignment needed for organizations to execute well.
Upcoming Connex events will take place in Calgary on November 3, 2026 and in Edmonton on November 5, 2026. These events are designed for leadership teams who want practical tools and shared learning that improves how their organizations work together. Explore Connex event details here.
Whether you attend BEx or bring your team to Connex, both events are built around the same idea: when leaders grow, organizations grow with them.
-Natalie Windle Fell