Conflict is a natural part of life, and it occurs frequently in today's organizations. Some leaders tend to avoid difficult conversations, but doing so has serious consequences.
Unaddressed conflict leads to low morale and decreased productivity. Long term, suppressed organizational conflict can escalate into high turnover rates and even violence. To save your workforce's sanity (and your company's bottom line), knowing how to nip conflict in the bud is a necessary leadership skill.
In our previous article, we discussed what a critical conversation is, the cost of avoiding them, and how to conduct one.
Here, we carry on the discussion with the most-avoided conversations and why, the importance of active listening, and the positive impact effective training can have. We also dive into the interesting impact our personal conflict-management style can have on these conversations.
5 Most Avoided Critical Conversations
Humans avoid difficult conversations for a number of reasons. Fear of confrontation, a lack of confidence, and discomfort with strong emotions can all come into play. We may also avoid tough talks to preserve the status quo.
A recent study on critical conversations in the workplace revealed which kinds of conversations are most often avoided.
Here are the top five:
- When someone is not pulling his or her weight.
- When someone performs below expectations.
- When someone shows disrespect towards another in the workplace.
- When someone doesn’t follow proper processes or protocol.
- When there is confusion on who owns a decision.
When developing your critical conversation skills, it helps to know the context in which most difficult conversations arise. It also helps to understand which types of conversations are pushed to the side so you can address them in a timely manner.
Understanding How Your Conflict Management Style Impacts Critical Conversations
When we encounter a stressful situation, each of us has a unique response style. When confronted with a critical conversation, it is important to be aware of our go-to way of dealing with conflict.
While many of us instinctively respond with fight, flight, fawn, or freeze, there's another layer to understanding how we engage in conflict: our conflict management style. Conflict management styles, as outlined by Dr. Barbara Benoliel in her article from Walden University, help us identify patterns in how we approach disagreements.
These five conflict management styles are:
1. Avoiding Conflict Management Style
Steering clear of conflict altogether can delay resolution but reduce immediate stress.
Actionable Tip: If you tend to avoid conflict, start by identifying the risks of avoidance versus the benefits of addressing the issue. Prepare by writing down key points to share, which can help you approach the conversation with confidence. Set a low-stakes meeting to practice initiating these discussions, focusing on curiosity rather than confrontation.
2. Accommodating Conflict Management Style
Putting others' needs above your own to maintain harmony, sometimes at your expense.
Actionable Tip: To navigate critical conversations as an accommodator, practice advocating for your own needs while maintaining respect for others. Use phrases like, “I understand your perspective, but here’s what I need for this to work.” Reflect on whether accommodating serves long-term goals or creates resentment, and try to balance harmony with assertiveness.
3. Competing Conflict Management StyleSeeking to "win" the conflict, often prioritizing your own goals over collaboration.
Actionable Tip: If you lean toward competing, work on framing your goals in a way that acknowledges the other person’s priorities. Use active listening to ensure they feel heard, which can reduce resistance to your ideas. Before the conversation, ask yourself, “What outcome would work for both of us?” and focus on problem-solving rather than winning.
4. Compromising Conflict Management Style
Striving to find a middle ground where both parties give and take.
Actionable Tip: While compromising can be effective, it may leave deeper issues unresolved. To improve outcomes, explore options before settling on the first middle-ground solution. Ask open-ended questions like, “What would make this feel like a win for you?” and assess whether a collaborative approach might lead to better results for everyone involved.
5. Collaborating Conflict Management Style
Working together to find a solution that meets everyone’s needs while fostering mutual respect and understanding.
Actionable Tip: If collaboration is your default style, be mindful of time constraints and the potential for over-investment in finding the perfect solution. Set clear goals for the conversation and prioritize key outcomes. Encourage participation from all parties by asking for their perspectives and summarizing agreements to ensure mutual understanding.
By recognizing your natural fight-or-flight, fawn-or-freeze tendencies and your broader conflict management style, you can better tailor your approach to critical conversations. For example, if you tend to avoid conflict, you might consciously practice addressing issues sooner by framing them as opportunities for growth. Alternatively, if you often compete, focusing on collaboration can help you foster stronger relationships and achieve better long-term outcomes.
Understanding your natural response allows you to better manage your reactions and engage more constructively in critical conversations, creating a foundation for improved communication and stronger workplace relationships.
The Importance of Active Listening
Active listening involves:
- Attention: Giving your full focus to the speaker, without distractions
- Empathy: Genuinely trying to understand the other person’s point of view without planning your response
- Non-verbal cues: Demonstrating engagement through eye contact, nodding, and open body language
- Clarification: Paraphrasing and asking questions to confirm your understanding of the message
Mastering active listening creates a culture of trust and openness, allowing for more honest and effective conversations.
In fact, research shows that organizations that cultivate active listening practices see a 65% increase in employee engagement.
Master Critical Conversations Through Training
When the need for a tough conversation arises, it helps when you're equipped with the right skills to handle it. To best support your managers and employees, consider implementing training, such as one of our Building Leaders programs.
Through regular training sessions, people can learn how to master critical conversations in a practical environment. When they present themselves in real life, they're much less likely to trigger emotions and catch you off guard.
Here are some tips for putting together a conflict resolution training program:
- Identify Your Target Audience: Look at your organizational chart and determine who would benefit the most from training. You may want to begin with executives and department heads while taking a top-down approach. As your leaders master critical conversations, they can impart their learnings to their direct reports
- Encourage a Proactive Approach: When developing your program, make sure to emphasize the importance of being proactive. When people avoid critical conversations, they often fester and become deeper problems. Include tips on how to identify conflict early on to prevent issues from escalating
- Put Systems in Place: For your training program to be the most effective, you must create the right systems to support it. This could look like implementing accountability buddies or including critical conversation tips in a company newsletter. When employees know what to do when conflict arises, they're more likely to take action right away
Unleashing the Potential of Your Organization
Mastering critical conversations is no small feat, but it's a necessary leadership skill. The more your organization understands its own triggers and how to prevent conflict from escalating, the more successful you'll be overall.
If you'd like to learn more about how to handle critical conversations in the workplace or develop a conflict management training program, connect with us or consider attending one of our upcoming leadership events.
